Thirteen Translations for the Author Impaired

After last week’s boring post for my TT, I dragged Melissa Blue and T.Sue Versteeg into my crazy and created a conversation for you all. Call this an educational post. Or not. Or whatever. LOL!

1. Melissa Blue: Oh, yes. The book is going fine. Translation: if we were in another dimension the book would be written already And awesome. Unfortunately we’re in this one.

2. Melissa Blue: My characters refuse to tell me the truth. Translation: because my characters are lying sacks of shit, I’ve got 20k to rewrite.

3.T. Sue Versteeg: Edits are nearly done. Translation: as soon as I dislodge my laptop from the wall, I’ll see if it still works.

4. Melissa Blue: I’m working on the WIP as we speak. Translation: The word doc is open but so is Spider Soltaire. Guess which screen is minimized…

5. T. Sue Versteeg: I wrote 3k in the middle of the night! Translation: I’ve got about 50 useable words after I cut the nonsense.

6. Melissa Blue: Edits are nearly done. Translation: Once I finish color coding my undies. Cause ya know these things are vitally important.

7. Jennifer Leeland: I get up at 4am to write. Translation: I spend an hour and a half on Facebook, Twitter and Romance Divas checking for new online kerfuffles then stare at my computer screen for 30 minutes before my kids get up.

8. Jennifer Leeland: I’ve stalled on that book. Translation: I had bad reviews on the books in the series, wrote a first draft that sucked so hard it was a wall banger and I just couldn’t write that last stupid sex scene….Besides something else was prettier and shinier

9. Jennifer Leeland: I don’t think this is my genre. Translation: It’s too fucking hard to finish the damn thing. LOL!

10. Jennifer Leeland: I got an idea from a glittery werewolf but I think maybe that trope is played out. Translation: I don’t want everyone to think I’m copying fucking Twilight but that asshole character won’t leave me alone.

11. Jennifer Leeland: I need to talk to an author friend to clarify my book. Translation: I’m avoiding that piece of shit as long as I can!

12. Melissa Blue: I got my crits back and the just needs a little tweak. Translation: My heroine is dumber than a sock of nickels in which the critque person wanted to beat her with.

Jennifer Leeland: Or alterate #12 I got my crits back and it just needs a little tweak. Translation: My hero is a total asshole who needs to be shot several times.

13. Melissa Blue: This is the shittiest book I’ve written. Translation: This is the shittiest book I’ve written. I should be beaten with the same sock of nickels as the heroine.

BONUS TRACKS:
14. Melissa Blue: I’m putting together a book soundtrack. Translation: I needed a somewhat valid excuse for spending 10 hours on Youtube watching that damn baby giggling video. Oh, and the remix for Hide yo kids, hide yo wives…