To all you Cell phone users
Did you know that really cool thing they have that text messages you when you’re going to go over your minutes? You know how it’s supposed to save you from yourself because you’re too busy and tired to keep track, so they do it for you? Well, surprise, surprise. It’s all bullshit. Here’s what really happens. They go by how you’re “trending” (no, it’s not like the cool thing on Twitter. It’s stupid.). Trending in Nazi Corporate America Cell Phone speak is some complicated formula of averages by which IF you continued to talk as much as the last ten days, THEN you’d go over your minutes/data/usage. So, it shouldn’t stun you to know that one month I got a text message EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!! For ten days. Now, the first few, I’d call in a panic. OMG how close am I? And I wasn’t EVEN close. Fast forward two months. I got a bill for $350. **$350**!!!!!!!!!! WTF???!! So I call. Why the hell is my damn bill so much? You guessed it. I had overages. No text messages, but enough overages to add $100 to my bill. I swear, one day I’m going to forget that the drones that answer the phone in customer service don’t deserve to die and spit fire thought the receiver.
To NaNoWriMo participants
Did you know that according to this stellar citizen we NaNo writers don’t read, send in completely unedited shit and are generally a boil on the literary world’s ass? Yeah, I didn’t know either. I think there’s a cream for that isn’t there?
To My Characters
Did you know that I had no intention of EVER writing you? That I pretty much thought you were going to die a quiet death? Why are you giving me so much crap? Why oh why do we have to have THIS conversation?
Nicola: I don’t know why I have to have so much angst. Why can’t I just jump him?
Me: Hey, you gave me the opening scene. It’s not like I wanted to open the book with your sexual assault by five men. It gave me the creeps.
Nicola: Well, at least give Adam some deep, dark past. I mean, I don’t know why I have to be the big downer in the book.
Me:*mutters* I don’t know why either.
Nicola: I heard that! You know, that’s why Adam won’t talk to you very much. You’re bitchy.
Me:*grits teeth* When I only have an hour to write and you act like my youngest son without his ADD meds, I’m not going to be little Miss Mary Sunshine.
Nicola: I can’t help it. You’re the one who gave me all the angst.
Me:*musing* I’m considering not making the story a romance. What do you think about a horror story. You know. Where everybody dies. *stares hard at Nicola*
Nicola: *clears throat* Okay, then. What did you want me to do?
That’s more like it.