But Jen! Why do you have to write that stuff?

Though I’ve barely had time to breathe with working full time, adjusting to the new schedule and the Redneck being home, I’ve noticed my reaction when I talk about what I write.
I don’t mean with other authors. With other writers, I can tell them how my character drove me crazy because he insisted that sex was the cure all for resentment and wouldn’t behave himself. Other authors nod sagely and don’t look at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
Civilians, however……
LOL.
Okay, the thing is I write about people who are a bit kinky. My mother is appalled. I’m sure the Minister’s Wife wishes I’d stick to romantic suspense and just emulate Nora Roberts. The millionaires wife avoids discussing it. My MIL is still waiting for me to show up at Borders so she can read me. And that pretty much covers the family.
My co-workers are stymied. BDSM? Not exactly mainstream. And ALL my characters seem to drop into the kinky category. *shrugs* I didn’t plan it, folks. These characters find me. I wonder if Stephen King’s mother ever asked him why he couldn’t write “a nice book like that Nicolas Sparks man”.
I’ll tell you the truth about why those kinky characters always find me.
I’ve always been curious about sex and all its different flavors. When I was young, I started reading romance because that was the closest thing I could find to sex on the page. I discovered something interesting. I had high standards about how a story about sex should go. Remember the Danielle Steele craze? No. Thank. You. Her heroines were always screwing everybody and they were never satisfied! Who wants that? So, for many, many years, I believed I was a bit prudish about my sex. Monogamy preferable, and no adventurous stuff.
Then, I had trouble in my first marriage.
My first husband and I struggled through some big stuff, but the end result was devastating to my ego and to my confidence. No sex for the last three years of our marriage.
Neither of us were unfaithful to each other. We were roommates, polite but distant. Weird, I know. We did marriage counseling, lots of discussion, but nothing changed. I wondered “What’s wrong with me?” The truth is that my first husband and I had reached an impasse that no amount of counseling or discussion could fix.
The divorce was amicable and easy, amazingly. But I was left with so many questions about my sexuality and my needs.
The next year was both painful and amazing, discovering things about myself I’d never known. I dated and failed a few more times. I found out that I was a little more hardcore now and I wasn’t going to settle for anyone who didn’t match my needs.
When I met my second husband, I was deceived by his “Good Ole Boy” act. I figured that he wouldn’t “get” this new part of me, this rampant curiosity, that dominated my life. But the Redneck surprised me and met me half way on everything. Once we were married, I figured I’d settle down.
Nope.
Freedom opened up vast new vistas and, when I started to write, I got my grubby little hands on books from Ellora’s Cave. Suddenly, I realized exactly what I wanted to read. And write. I fell in love with Joey W. Hill and Tawny Taylor. Romance with all the kink. Heaven.
I don’t write kink because “it sells”. I don’t write erotic romance because I want to piss my mom off. I write it because I know, I just know, there’s other women out there like me. Women who were raised “not to discuss those things.” Women who are in a marriage with someone they love, but who doesn’t match them sexually. (I don’t advocate staying or divorcing. It’s personal.) Men who love romance, but like it a little more “in your face”. The fantasy of erotic romance is a strong, beautiful thing.
In these stories, the man never puts his knee in your kidneys and no one has any problem with getting off. In these stories, no one is judgmental about the other person’s sexuality or preference. There’s acceptance, love and heat. Sometimes, reality doesn’t give us that.
So there you have it. The real reason I write “that stuff”. I’m not defying anyone or trying to titillate. I’m connecting with people who are like me. A little curious, but knows damn good and well the fantasy is a fantasy.