Since many of you have probably read my general announcement regarding my marriage. At the time, I truly believed that there was no way the relationship could survive. I had tried when he told me about the affair to keep him from leaving the marriage, willing to work on our issues, but he said he couldn’t stay.
The Redneck was gone for three months. In that time, I worked my Al-Anon program harder than I ever have in my life. I prayed for the knowledge of my Higher Power’s will for me, believing that whatever the outcome, I would be okay. I survived. I breathed.
I took care of myself and stepped into the light.
I forgave him. I forgave her. I accepted that this was how it was and I was going to be okay in it. I found peace. Long stretches of peace. I took care of things that had been neglected and loved my kids through it.
Little did I know that the affair was a period of insanity and obsession that the Redneck would eventually find nightmarish and horrific. I had no idea, being as deceived about the woman he left me for as he was, that she would become the death knell to his sanity.
And I had no idea that in the midst of his misery, he would come to me because I was the only person he could talk to. Not to complain or to get sympathy, but out of a desperate need to voice his crazy. I wasn’t exactly receptive. LOL!
I did, however, recognize a human being in pain. I listened, but gave no advice. When he expressed that he regretted his actions, I was surprised. When he finally was on the brink of true insanity, I suggested he get out of the situation, not for my own sake, but because I began to worry about him. I really thought I was going to be taking him to the local mental health ward.
That’s how bad it got.
The result of all this is that he is going to A.A., stepping away from the darkness and says he wants to remain married.
I am…cautiously optimistic.
I still love him. How that is possible, I don’t know. But I do. I will see how it turns out.