Thirteen Things I Think Are Needed For A Successful Marriage

Despite the fact that the Redneck sometimes gets on my last nerve, I think we have a pretty good relationship. It isn’t easy, but we do pretty damn good.

1. Sympathy/Empathy
I find if the response to “I am so tired.” is “YOU’RE tired. Let me tell you how tired I am.” usually doesn’t help matters. A well placed “Oh man, that sucks. I’m so sorry.” can be conducive to making things better for my partner.
2. Honesty
Sure there will be times when I keep my mouth shut and refrain from giving my opinion, but I don’t lie about speeding tickets or hide money spent. And neither does he.
3. Affection
This can be part of sex or completely separate. My husband doesn’t initiate a lot of affection but he initiates sex. Like a lot of men I know, the difference eludes him sometimes. That physical contact, even just holding hands, means a lot to both of us.
4. Forgiveness/Tolerance
No marriage will survive without a ton of this. My husband and I blow it frequently. We’re passionate people and sometimes we resemble that annoying Italian couple in the Gelato commercial who yell at each other. But we always get through it and forgive each other.
5. Communication
I think entire books have been written on this. The Redneck and I sometimes say a lot of words but we aren’t communicating. It can be like a cell phone conversation when the connection is spotty: frustrating. LOL! The trick is, I think, to KEEP TRYING.
6. Laughter
My husband’s ability to make me laugh is one of the things I love about him.
7. Willingness
There’s other words for this-compromise, openness, stuff like that. A good marriage take two people who WANT it to work. And that’s a daily thing.
8. Equality
Regardless who makes more money, does more tasks, or what the relationship looks like in the bedroom. Each person must have an equal voice.
9. Respect
Huge. If I don’t feel respected, I feel totally unloved. And when I don’t, I have to say so.
10. A Spiritual Connection
I’ve yet to meet anyone who could not see that there was more to each human being than the collection of cells and energy. For me, I keep a connection to a Higher Power so that I don’t make my husband God. No one can live up to that kind of expectation.
11. Friends
I love my husband, but it’s not his job to meet every single one of my needs. It isn’t fair to ask him to. I have other relationships that keeps me balanced.
12. Independence
Two people standing together facing the world, side by side. I need to be a separate human being, not totally dependent on him. It’s too easy to give up my identity and become his appendage. I struggle for balance with this one. Too little, and I’m not myself. Too much and I push him away. It takes practice.
13. Trust
HUGE! I have to believe that if he storms out of the house that he’ll be back, that he’ll cool off and talk to me. He has to believe that no matter what I’m not going anywhere. He needs to know that I’ll talk to him, tell him if something is bugging me rather than letting it fester. Without trust, there really is nothing.

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4 Comments

Filed under Thursday Thirteen

4 responses to “Thirteen Things I Think Are Needed For A Successful Marriage

  1. Excellent list, Jennifer! ME

  2. Yep, Great list. I’m hoping my marriage has a bit of all these. πŸ™‚

    http://otherworlddiner.blogspot.com/2014/06/querykombat-writing-tips.html

  3. Sue

    Great list! Perhaps #14 could be eleventy billion dollars so you don’t have to stress over bills? πŸ˜‰

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