So I’m accessing my email and a story caught my attention.
Nothing sets women against each other as much as questioning the choices we make. Why? Because so often in a male dominated society, those choices aren’t choices at all. Too many times in human history, women were herded, stifled, ignored and now, question our free choices at your peril.
So when a blogger says that women who chose family and children over career are less important, there’s a backlash. She responds to the criticism with more inflammatory language and chooses to believe that the reasoning behind choosing family and children is a need to not be lonely.
It’s funny, but she doesn’t make me angry. Her words don’t create outrage for me. Like her, I’m at peace in my world. I had children because I believe the world is a beautiful and terrible place to be and I wanted to give another life a chance to experience it. I had children because I believe in a spiritual connection with life that has made it possible for me to bring another life into the world. I believe in something bigger, better and more important than myself.
Those who choose NOT to have children also bring their gifts to the world. They create and build whatever additions to the Universe that make them a unique human being. Life is persistent. Life is one of the most precious gifts that we are given. No matter what the challenges we face, it IS a gift. The very fact of our existence is amazing.
As human beings, male or female, gay or straight, we choose what we do with that gift. I do not believe that one “gift” to the world is less important. Sure, I would rather see more John Green movies made rather than Anchorman 2. But like all things in our world, EVERYTHING serves a purpose. Why would I denigrate the choices of one human being over another? The only time I would unequivocally put down another’s choices is if that choice imposes on another. Murder, stealing, abuse, things that negatively effect life.
So…I don’t understand why someone would want to look down on a set of people who have done nothing but promote life. Certainly, we all have opinions, but the WHOLE PURPOSE (as I understand) of feminism is to give us THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. I can say I wouldn’t choose to live like another woman, but can I really deny her purpose?
As an author, I am constantly faced with the choice: Family or writing? Today, will I stay at the job that does not fulfill me in any way to continue to provide shelter, food and comfort for my family?
Do I love my children more than my dreams? No.
Do I find a myriad of ways to continue to follow my dream no matter what? Absolutely.
On this day, when I celebrate 14 years of marriage with the man I’ve chosen to share my life, I say this: I chose to be the person I am. I chose to have children in a joyful acceptance of the gift I’ve been given to carry life. That was MY CHOICE.
I choose to write. I choose to publish with digital publishers. I choose to be married. I choose to be a mother.
I choose these things.
And to me, that is what all those women before me suffered for. They wanted to give me a choice. To use my mind and my gifts in whatever manner I believed would benefit the universe.
But it gives me absolutely NO RIGHT to question another woman’s choice. To do so would be to participate in the very oppression that we were freed from. I choose not to.