Oh. My. God.

Just shoot me now.
So, yesterday was the Marathon of Misery.
After a long day of work, I swung by to pick up my kids to sign up for football. Yep. Football. After signing my name to God knows what, I forked over my $230 and waited in line for a physical with about fifty other parents and kids. Demolition Boy decided this was an EXCELLENT time to start a boxing match with his brother which included five rounds of “Knock it off or I’m going to kill you” and three rounds of me rolling my eyes and saying “Leave your brother alone”. Finally, they finished.
Then, we went to the store because the Redneck wants to go camping the next day and he need…..cue LONG ASS LIST HERE…..I’m not even going to tell you the amount because it made me want to puke and I don’t think I want to share that feeling with you.
ANYWAY after some “Thank you for not shopping at Winco and basically providing my paycheck” shit from Gary, my favorite sarcastic customer hating checker at Safeway, and another round of “Your fired from pushing the cart”, I led two Safeway employees and two overflowing carts out to my car…..where I realized I still had Cub Scout shit in the truck and no damn room in my car.
It’s almost 8pm.
I had no breakfast and a salad for lunch.
I’m tired, cranky and have already had a knock down drag out fight with the Redneck about the insanity of our finances.
I call the Redneck to come get the kids because I have no fucking room in the car for the plethora of groceries that signify us as rabid consumers.
He gets the boys and takes them to McDonald’s for a smoothie.
He did offer to buy me something, but his sympathy was better and I just couldn’t face the fast food heartburn.
I wearily get in my car, stuffed with environmentally dangerous plastic bags, and start home.
And get a text from the Cub Scout Bitch….who I will now have to rename since three other mothers have earned the title and she isn’t one of them. Plus, she and I have found not only agreement in dealing with each other, but I realized I’d really miss her if she left.
So, I guess I’ll call her Former Cub Scout Bitch. LOL! Do you think she’d see the humor in that? Probably not.
ANYWAY, she texts me to say that since she was “booted as den leader she’d decline to go to the committee meeting”.
Which is what I text back.
Come to find out that three of the mother’s in Demolition Boy’s den have been staging a coup. Yep. A full on, high school, pissy little bitch coup in which they would wrest control of the den and leave FCB out in the cold.
Okay, even when I DIDN’T like FCB I wouldn’t have done THAT shit.
Wrong wrong wrong.
After talking to FCB for half-an-hour, I finally sat down to eat.
Chips and salsa.
Read to the boys at 9:30pm and crawled into bed at 10:30pm to read “Elizabeth the First” wondering why I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
I got up this morning, washed a shitload of dishes and realized that tonight, I’d be alone.
Blissfully alone.
After I meet with the committee, expose the rebellion, kick some bitch ass and come home, no one will be there but me.
Fuck it.
I deserve it.

UPDATE: So apparently the FCB got a hold of some faulty info and the three mommies weren’t trying to stage a coup. FCB’s feelings are pretty hurt so I don’t know if this will go smoothly, so it looks like The Cub Scout Bitch title might go unclaimed. Or I could take it. LOL!



Filed under Life Stuff, Whatever category

3 responses to “Oh. My. God.

  1. evvvrrrrry time i think the city is a “cold” (haha heatwave pun) place to live… i am reminded that suburban bitches would eat my lunch allll day…

  2. Jen

    LOL! I swear that Bravo has the wrong idea. The housewives of Atlanta? Pshaw! Go do a bit on those high society suburban bitches. LOL!
    We are soccer mom’s on the edge.

  3. See, this is why I’m now a recluse for the most part. I’ve had enough of the momma-drama and just want peace and quiet now that my kidlets are grown 🙂

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