Want a Little Cheese With That Whine?

Yes. Yes I would.
I would like the bottle please. A whole whiny ass bottle.
And what, pray tell, has spun me you ask?
One stupid post on a forum. One stupid SENTENCE.
*shakes head*
Here’s the thing. It’s been a rough year. The Redneck’s health has deteriorated–though he’s going to have surgery to get better. So, rough but getting better.
I lost a lot of my usual critique partners to…a lot of things. Busy lives, and ended friendships. THAT is taking it’s toll. I think what hurts the most about that is that I feel as if some of my circle “chose sides” and I got left in the dust. Nope. No evidence. I haven’t gotten one email to support that feeling. Doesn’t matter. It’s a feeling and I have it. I may have done it to myself, recoiling a bit with my own hurt feelings. I may have created the very distance that hurts right now. I don’t know.
At some point, I had to make a decision to reach out and try to change my circle a little bit. I’ve had mixed results. But see, I’m really, really angry. The hurt I had initially at the beginning of the year has faded and then, I felt regret, longing for something that had ended.
Now, I’m just pissed off.
I think I’m angry because the person who broke it off with me and vice versa still has all that support, all those people pulling for her. She has cheerleaders, and crits, and shit like that.
And I FEEL alone.
I’m not. Not by a long chalk.
I’ve got tons of people pulling for me, who love me, who are there for me. I’ve got other authors who have yanked my nuts out of the fire like Mima, Melissa Blue, Fae Sutherland and Toni Sue Nichols. My best friend, Michelle, is awesome. Hell, the REDNECK is awesome.
But one damn sentence and I’m spinning down into resentment.
*sigh*
Is this a writer thing? Maybe.
Why am I telling you? Well, maybe I just needed to mark this moment in time, this day of unreasonableness so I can remember. So YOU can remember for me. Summer is NOT a good time for me and I have to watch my thinking very carefully.
Often that “feeling left out of the loop” shit is my own making. So, I’m turning myself in. *raises hand* Hi, my name is Jennifer and I’m a nutcase right now.

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13 Comments

Filed under It's A Rant! It's A Rave! It's Superwhiney!, Whatever category

13 responses to “Want a Little Cheese With That Whine?

  1. R.J.

    (((hugs)))

    I felt the same way this morning when I screwed up at work. I thought it was something major but when I fessed up to my manager everything was cool and it was chalked up to a rookie mistake.

    A lot of us here still got your back. Hang in there.

  2. Jen

    Thanks R.J. I think the hardest thing is just that sense of insecurity that has haunted me my whole life. Without it, though, I probably wouldn’t have buried myself in books and become a writer.

  3. Hey, feeling left out of the loop is hard but you’re smart, funny and lots of us follow you quietly and pull for you.

    Hugs! You got my support.

    • Jen

      Aww thanks Kym. Back at ya! Sometimes I am amazed at my ability to continue to have a belief in spite of evidence to the contrary. LOL!

  4. Sue

    Honey, you know I’m always here for you. Whenever. Whatever. It may be through the phone lines, but if I need to jump on a plane, I will! πŸ˜€ I know exactly how you feel. Really, I do. Call me. I’d like to know what the sentence was πŸ˜‰ I’m so out of the forum loop with my mom’s surgery/infection/hospitalization crisis. Love you much!

  5. We all go a little nuts sometimes – hang in there. πŸ™‚

  6. Aaaaawwwww. Sorry, Jen. As others have mentioned, you are wonderful, and things will get better.

    Besides….. yeeeee hawwwww….it’s Rodeo Week! I don’t know about you, but an influx of cowboys to look at always makes me feel better. That and cotton candy. And tequila. xoxox

  7. If anybody could hear the grumbling that goes on in my mind when I’m out walking, they’d be scared. Then I give myself a mental slap and say ‘Snap out of it!’, Cher-style.

    Everyone has the right to gripe when they’re cranky. Can’t always be nice. But for me, if I can keep my really stupid whining to myself – which you’re doing by not getting into things on the forum – then you can pat yourself on the back for not adding to the fire.

  8. Shawna

    Oh, boy have I been there. If it helps, I’m on your side and I’m ALWAYS willing to critique your work…. begging, pleading, bending over backward to get a sneak preview, I mean critique your work.

  9. You are awesome . . . I’ve never even met you but I’d let you housesit and watch my dog – there is really no higher praise in my book . . . hang in there, and watch out for that nuts in the fire thing, that can’t be good . . . steve

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