Yes. Yes I would.
I would like the bottle please. A whole whiny ass bottle.
And what, pray tell, has spun me you ask?
One stupid post on a forum. One stupid SENTENCE.
Here’s the thing. It’s been a rough year. The Redneck’s health has deteriorated–though he’s going to have surgery to get better. So, rough but getting better.
I lost a lot of my usual critique partners to…a lot of things. Busy lives, and ended friendships. THAT is taking it’s toll. I think what hurts the most about that is that I feel as if some of my circle “chose sides” and I got left in the dust. Nope. No evidence. I haven’t gotten one email to support that feeling. Doesn’t matter. It’s a feeling and I have it. I may have done it to myself, recoiling a bit with my own hurt feelings. I may have created the very distance that hurts right now. I don’t know.
At some point, I had to make a decision to reach out and try to change my circle a little bit. I’ve had mixed results. But see, I’m really, really angry. The hurt I had initially at the beginning of the year has faded and then, I felt regret, longing for something that had ended.
Now, I’m just pissed off.
I think I’m angry because the person who broke it off with me and vice versa still has all that support, all those people pulling for her. She has cheerleaders, and crits, and shit like that.
And I FEEL alone.
I’m not. Not by a long chalk.
I’ve got tons of people pulling for me, who love me, who are there for me. I’ve got other authors who have yanked my nuts out of the fire like Mima, Melissa Blue, Fae Sutherland and Toni Sue Nichols. My best friend, Michelle, is awesome. Hell, the REDNECK is awesome.
But one damn sentence and I’m spinning down into resentment.
Is this a writer thing? Maybe.
Why am I telling you? Well, maybe I just needed to mark this moment in time, this day of unreasonableness so I can remember. So YOU can remember for me. Summer is NOT a good time for me and I have to watch my thinking very carefully.
Often that “feeling left out of the loop” shit is my own making. So, I’m turning myself in. *raises hand* Hi, my name is Jennifer and I’m a nutcase right now.
Yes. Yes I would.