To All of My Family
Thank you. It really was a nice Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings. I love you.
To The Redneck
You win. Bacon on Turkey is mm mm good.
To My Niece, Dolly
I wish you knew how much we love you. I wish you knew how much we wished we could help/be there for you. I wish you knew how much we wished we could make up for all the childhood you’re missing out on. I want you to know that we’re here. We’re always here. I want to send that strong message to you and maybe, just maybe, somehow you’ll know. We love you. Your cousins, your Grandma and Grandpa, your Uncle Redneck and me. We want you to be happy, be safe. Maybe you’ll never know it, but we do.
To My Ex-Sister-In-Law
When I said I’d help, I meant it. I didn’t mean that I’d play games or join you in the “I hate HIM” kerfuffle. I meant that I wanted you to have a car…for my NIECE. Frankly, you’re right. I couldn’t care less about you OR my BIL. You both suck. Getting you to stand up and take responsibility for your own defects is not only NOT my job, but damn near impossible…except for a Power Greater Than Myself. You’re upset because we “enable” him? So what. When I tried to help YOU it was all about trashing HIM. I don’t care about your stupid bullshit. Can’t we just FIX YOUR CAR????? Does it have to have so much complicated shit around it? I stepped in the middle because I was deluded and believed I was dealing with two rational human beings. Man, was I mistaken. You’re BOTH insane. I don’t know what else to do. I suggest an appointment with a counselor. Not me.
To My Brother-in-Law
There’s one thing your ex is right about. You’re a tool.
To The Puppy I’ve Inherited
Please stop pooping in my bedroom. Go poop in the dirt faced okie kid’s bedroom. It’s already filthy.
To Sudden Link Communications
Explain to me why I’m responsible for the lack of password protection on the wireless router YOU gave me? And explain to me why I’m going to be held responsible for a illegally downloaded movie that I didn’t download? You’ve admitted someone piggy backed off the internet connect YOU installed. Here’s what you need to do, my friends. Provide your customers with an easier answer to the problem than “call the router company”. For the most part, you’ve been an excellent internet provider. Don’t make me start bitching about you.