So…..

…yesterday was pretty brutal. I never did get around to all the Thursday Thirteens. Sorry about that.
I did, however, meet with the child psychologist for an hour about Demolition Boy.
It wasn’t a laugh riot, I’ll tell you that much.
She started with three points.
1. He is one of the worst cases of attention deficit she’s seen in a long time.
2. He knows it and
3. He’s suffering.
Watching Demolition Boy the last couple of days try SO HARD to get it right, do what he was asked to do, REALLY try was painful, heartbreaking. I just…sat there, with my fists clenched and my jaw tight, and watched him flail like a fish on the shore.
I don’t want to give too many details, but let’s just say that he’s in a bad way and I’ve got a long, difficult road ahead of me to help him.
I think the one part that shattered every single cell of my body was when the child psychologist showed me his assessment from last year vs. this year, especially the part on anxiety and depression. Demolition Boy was bad last year, but now he’s a lot worse. Because he’s anxious and depressed about his lack of success in school, he’s even less able to pay attention.
So, I not only have a little boy who’s got a chemical imbalance, but he’s depressed.
I bawled my eyes out.
It still makes my stomach hurt, but I have to be positive and uplifting for him. He has suffered so much and now, maybe we can help him NOT suffer.
We have a doctor’s appointment on November 17th and we’ll see where we go from there.
Meanwhile, tomorrow is Demolition Boy’s favorite holiday, Halloween. Time for candy and happy faces.

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “So…..

  1. Oh, Sweetie. I am sorry.

    You can kick me because I know all of this hurts, but this is the first step on the road to helping him.

    That road isn’t easy, but he has an awesome mom on his side.

    Just in case you’re anything like me: It was NOT something you did when you were pregnant. It was NOT something you did when he was a baby. You DID give him all the love and support and the environment in which to grow. You ARE going to get through this and he WILL be as awesome a grown individual as you know he is.

    My thoughts are with you.

  2. Jen

    Thanks Lynne. I KNEW it was bad. I KNEW it, but I didn’t know it was this bad.
    The urgency in the woman’s voice when she made suggestions scared me. Because she knows what I know. Behind that “I don’t care” attitude Demolition Boy sometimes throws out there is a little kid who just wants to “make it”.
    I’ve been going back and forth over it, alternately blaming myself and being grateful we caught it early. I’m going to be very glad to come out the other end with this one.

  3. Jen –

    No blaming yourself. Demolition Boy has a condition which requires treatment. No one would consider telling a diabetic kid to change their attitude and then they wouldn’t have diabetes.

    As you have heard me mention, my husband is bipolar and has been since he was born. To say his experience with school was murder – well, you know.

    However, as an adult receiving treatment for his condition, he returned to school (with enormous dread) but got the mind-blowing surprise of actually being able to concentrate, handle work assignments and schedules.

    I cannot applaud and support you enough in getting real treatment for your son early. The earlier the better. Even for my husband who was diagnosed in his mid-twenties, that was considered early treatment for bipolar. And because of this, he has not been hospitalized, has a part time job and has a 17-year marriage, as well as longterm friends. More typical for bipolar: undiagnosed until 40’s, after drug & alcohol addiction, multiple marriages, multiple jobs, dwindling support system if not completely burned bridges.

    How many times do you think I have wished that I could travel back through time and spare my husband the things he went through as a boy? No one considered that children presented with psychiatric illness in the 60’s and 70’s. And the current crop of excellent drugs had not been invented yet.

    Your son has an excellent chance of managing a serious but treatable condition – because you love him enough to find it for him, to bring it to him, and have noticed early enough to make a significant difference in his life. Truly, truly significant.

    You are exactly right in saying your son has a lot to offer. When he’s feeling better, he will shine. No one can shine when they are in the grips of a physical condition which is so very devious in how it presents itself to the world. Rashes, broken bones, missing limbs – these have their own challenges, but are easily seen and acknowledged. Mood disorders, racing thoughts, looped negative thoughts, inability to sort through thoughts, too much energy, not enough energy – these get mixed up with a person’s character.

    But they are merely symptoms. Your son’s actual character has shown itself many times to you, and you know he is not his symptoms. They can be treated and managed.

    Your son can find his way out. I know he can. And he will.

    Love to you both.

  4. Jen — what they said. But it bears repeating.
    NOT your fault.
    Once y’all work through this part (the diagnosis, treatment, etc) your little Demolition Dude, like Julia said, will be a shining star. He’s so lucky to have a great mom by his side.
    And I’m glad you shared this on your blog so we can all root for the both of you. Collective positive energy and all that… 😉

    • Jen

      Thanks Wylie.
      Positive thoughts are so welcome right now. I know I have to “put on a happy face” for him so he can see the good things coming for him.
      He’s such a “roll with it” kind of guy.
      Our conversation yesterday.
      “So, you know how you’ve been having trouble at school?”
      DB: “Yes.”
      Me: “Well, there’s a name for it. It’s called Attention Deficit Disorder.”
      DB: *hangs head* “Oh. So, I don’t pay attention?”
      Me: “No, no, honey. The chemicals in your brain aren’t going to the right places. We’re going to go to the doctor on the 17th and–”
      DB: “If I get a shot, can I get a Bakugan?”
      Me: “You aren’t getting a shot honey.”
      DB: “But if I do…”

      You see where it went. LOL. I love him.

  5. Jen, I’m so sorry but at the same time so relieved that you now essentially have the light at the end of tunnel. Now that you have direction, you will beat this and attack his issue with as much fervor as you do life. It’s gonna be ok, you wouldn’t let it be anything other than that. Big *hugs*.

  6. It’s hard to hear, I know, but this is the beginning of better days for you and your kiddo. He will be relieved to have a name for his issues, and through meds and therapy, he’ll learn to cope, to thrive, to be appreciated in this world for his talents.

    I had different issues, but I’ve been there, and things are going to start getting better for him soon, and he will be so much happier.

  7. Wow. Praying that help comes quickly . . . . so sorry.

    kelly
    http://www.ourordinaryday.wordpress.com

  8. I’m sorry things aren’t going well. I’m sending a little prayer your way.
    Happy Halloween and don’t let the boys eat TOO much candy.

  9. Prayers and hugs – steve

  10. My heart aches for you. Being a parent is THE HARDEST gosh darn job in the world especially when the damn magic “make everything better” wand is broken.

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