A Demolition Boy Whiskey Wednesday

There’s a ton of internet drama I could get distracted by. It would be so easy, especially since I’m struggling with my writing. But it would just divert me from what’s important.
This week, I’ve been dealing with the ongoing issues with Demolition Boy.
If you’ve been reading this blog you know that my kids are…who they are. Where Train Boy is able to conform, get the work done, express himself, Demolition Boy has struggled. He doesn’t have Train Boy’s natural abilities. Everything is a challenge. Everything is a nightmare. Everything. Math, reading, sports, EVERYTHING. It sucks for him.
Add to this that my children do NOT fit the mold for perfect little American children in society, Demolition Boy has been tormented, teased and ostracized.
This week, I’ve taken him to a child psychologist in an effort to pin point his underlying problems. Though the school here has been wonderful, there’s only so much they can do. So I pressed forward and made the appointment.
It’s been hard to watch.
He wants to be successful. He wants to be like everyone else. Yet, I can see how he completely fails in this regard. I wanted to cry. Not because I think somehow he’s “less than” but because I know, I just know, he has a ton to offer. What he has to offer can’t be found in an IQ test or a math quiz.
And I miss his laugh.
Before he started school, he laughed, he smiled, he was HAPPY.
Now he’s surly, grumpy and sad. I hate it. HATE it. I would do anything to make it stop. Hell, I’d go through my entire miserable childhood again to spare him this. I want him to be exactly who he is. Yet, he can’t.
So, my heart is breaking today because I can’t make it all better, I can’t change what is. He is the genetic product of two people who never, ever fit in or conformed. Both the Redneck and I survived our childhood–him through alcohol and drugs and me through music, poetry and killing people in short stories.
All that internet drama? I’m afraid it doesn’t mean shit to me today.

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10 Comments

Filed under Whiskey Wednesday

10 responses to “A Demolition Boy Whiskey Wednesday

  1. Jen…my heart hurts for you. One of the worst things about our schools is that they’re so often not set up for the many kids who don’t conform to the standard. It must be so rough for all of you.

    You’re doing exactly what he needs – especially the big love part. You’re a great mom, and I just know things will get better.

  2. Jen

    Thanks Kristabel. I needed to hear that today.

  3. I wish I knew what all this internet drama everyone keeps referring to was all about.

    The most important part of your son’s childhood is knowing that he is loved, accepted, understood and cherished by the people that mean the most to him- you and the Redneck. You’re getting him some help in dealing with the school trouble, and it will pay dividends for the rest of his life.

    At the very least, he will develop that all important sensitivity for others. It is nothing short of a crying shame that he has to experience the hurt of being ostracized to develop it.

  4. Jen

    Here’s MY internet drama. http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2009/10/27/a-special-guest-post-on-cultural-appropriation-by-handyhunter/
    There’s more but that’s the one that got to me a little bit.
    And thank you, VBC. I hope, I PRAY, that when Demolition Boy is an adult, he remembers we loved him. A lot.

  5. Shawna

    Oh, Jen. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I can almost picture myself as a bear destroying anything that gets in his way. But that’s not reality. Reality is I have to mostly watch and love and cuddle and support and feel like it’s just not enough.

    I teared up when I read this. I can’t remember the last time I heard my son laugh.

    Our sons are different, but the world needs different. Unique shouldn’t be a bad thing.

    You are doing all the right things. Most important, I think, you accept him and love him because of who he is and not in spite of it, you know? And it will make a difference to him. Now and when he’s older.

    You are an awesome mom. Hang in there.

    • Jen

      I know your struggle hasn’t been easy either Shawna.
      Thanks for the vote of support. Some day, when he’s a famous artist with his pictures debated by the leading critiques, I want him to be able to say “My parents never stifled me.”
      Or if he’s an accountant.
      Or if he’s a Pet Store owner.

  6. (((hugs)))

    Hang in there. I know it’s tough because I’m feeling a little mopey just reading this.

  7. Hey lady, I’ve been thinking about ya. Hope his meeting went well. You have two special little boys there and I’m glad you recognize that. Don’t let anyone try to convince you of anything different.

  8. Oh, Jen, being a parent just sucks sometimes. Even when they’re adults their problems aren’t easy to handle. My heart breaks for your family. I hope someone finds the special “something” that makes the path easier for all of you.

    {{{hugs}}}

  9. Hey, he does have a ton to offer. I know you will give him plenty of love until he realizes that WHOEVER he is is good enough.

    I love your blog.

    You are so different from me…. you say things so STRAIGHT OUT that sometimes I wish I could say.

    Instead…I am diplomatic.
    Instead…I am kind and peaceful.

    You say biotch and get it out. Maybe some day I’ll try it.

    If not, I can live vicariously through you.

    Being a good mom can mean many things.

    I think you are a good mom.
    You love your kids.
    You want the best for them.

    Good for you.

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