To California AAA and Clyde’s Towing
So it finally happened. The Redeck was out in the middle of nowhere and his brakes went out. And when I called you, AAA, to finally earn all that money we’ve paid you over the years, you covered the first FIVE TOWING MILES. Five. Five fucking miles. He’s a hundred miles from the nearest town and you’ll cover five. Fucking. Miles. Wow. And THEN, Clyde’s Towing (advertised in the yellow pages for “long distance towing”. yeah I’ll bet, assholes) wants $7 a mile. That’s right, folks. You, too can be bent over and screwed without lube by the local towing service if you just call AAA emergency road service. Luckily, we live in Redneck country and out in the boonies was a guy with Mad River Towing (near Ruth Lake) who quoted $250 to tow the Redneck over a 100 miles at 11pm at night. They’re my heroes. And you guys? You’re on my shit list.
To The Redneck
When your brakes go out, the phrase “I’ll just try and limp home on my own” shall never again be uttered. Are we clear?
To Peter Pan
Just a hint. When you arrive on a new job, it’s probably NOT good etiquette to inform your previous crew that you’re coming over to “kick the Redneck out of his chair”. It’s also probably not too smart to begin to critique the performance of the other crane operators on the job. And it’s also not to bright to blame the equipment and the crew when you have problems and don’t do so great. Man up, little boy. You’re going DOWN.
To Jimmy Johnson
Okay. I get that you’re Mr. Winner. I see that you’re an awesome driver. But could you PLEASE smile every once and a while? You know, a little bit of happy for the fans? Right now, you look more like a robot that Matt Kenseth ever thought about resembling. It’s disturbing. And annoying.
To The Deer of Humboldt County
You’re officially safe for another year. Congratulations! You deserve a good rest.
by Jen | October 26, 2009 · 5:54 am