Whiskey Wednesday Basket Case Rant

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I know lately my posts have seemed random and a little weird. Mainly, it’s because I’ve been going through a massive transition. Think of it as adolescence of a writer. It’s painful, frustrating and yet, at the end of it, there’s relief.
I always knew I needed to grow a little as a writer, but I guess I figured I would “absorb” it somehow through osmosis or a miracle or something. However, there is no miracle folks. For me to improve, to find that “better place” in my skill, I had to take the step into Hell. That’s right. For some, it might be that first critique. For others, it might be that online exercise. For me, it was choosing to go step by step and line by line through “Legend Hunter”, my Bigfoot book.
This process has been…fascinating. First of all, I thought I had a better handle on my ego. Turns out, I don’t. Yesterday, I had the equivalent of a Teenage meltdown with drama and tears topped with unreasonable resentment. I hated every word I’d written for the last month. The idea of opening any of my writing made my stomach hurt. And facing one more minute of “What is this scene accomplishing” caused me to curl up into a little ball.
Yeah, that’s not good.
The plus side is that I’ve learned a ton already. I can see what needs to change better than a month ago. That doesn’t mean I know HOW to change it yet. It just means I know what’s wrong now. The down side is just writing a blog post is challenging. When every. single. word. is vetted, it isn’t easy to decide what to say.
I’m an organic writer or a “panster”. That means often I don’t have a CLUE why the story goes the way it goes. My answer is usually “That’s what the God damned character told me to write. You wanna tell him it’s wrong? Be my guest.” The trick, for me, is to learn as much as I can from this process and grow as a writer.
Nobody said growing up was easy.

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8 Comments

Filed under Whiskey Wednesday, Writing

8 responses to “Whiskey Wednesday Basket Case Rant

  1. Gawd, this sounds and looks so familiar. I will only say one word : ANGIE.

  2. But did you ask yourself “What is this post accomplishing?” before you hit the Publish button?

  3. Jen

    I love Angie, Diana.
    And Crystal? Yes, yes I did. I have no idea what the answer is, but I did ask myself the question.

  4. Kym

    Jen, I’m finding myself in a similar place and looking at anything I’ve done creatively hurts—writing, photography–all looks like crap. I keep trying to slog through and work on my problems but there isn’t much joy.

    Sorry, I’m not much help but I do know something of how you feel.

  5. Jen

    It isn’t much fun to barrel through, is it Kym? Sending good thoughts your way.

  6. As they say, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

    Except polio.

  7. Sue

    OMG, you never EVER argue with my characters. Last time someone did, I was medicated for a month. 😉 You are one of the strongest women I know and you WILL make the big time. I’m not wrong about this stuff.

  8. verybadcat

    Keep at it. 🙂 Growing pains suck, but it’s worth it in the end.

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