….I found out yesterday I’m going to be having surgery to fix my little problem. Of course, all my friends think the Redneck should take a week off and take care of me.
Only, we can’t afford it.
Tell me you know what I mean. The Redneck and I live pretty close to the edge and this conference is going to push us right over. Add to it that we have to pay the heater guy (when and if he EVER finishes) and next month is going to be a real pain in the wallet.
And it’s imperative I do this in the summer so the kids don’t lose any school since they’ll have to go to Grandma’s for a week at least.
Last night, the Redneck FREAKED. OUT. I mean, I often have to listen to long rants about conspiracy theories and government policies, but the economy has got him STRESSED. *heavy sigh*
Basically, I don’t want him to “take care of me”. If he stays home, he’ll be all stressed because he’s not working (and he always sweats his job). If he goes to work, he’ll be stressed because he doesn’t know if I’m okay. At least the second stress comes with a paycheck.
So, for probably the first time in our marriage, I told him he’s going to have to “do as he’s told”. I can take care of myself. I can find friends who will check in on me and make sure I’m okay. The LAST thing I need is some brooding ball of stress sighing if I ask for a glass of water.
Screw that.
I don’t know if I can pull it off, but I’m going to work with my doctor, talk to some friends and get it set up. I’m scheduled for August 12th and frankly, I’m not dealing with it until AFTER conference. No one understands that one week of no work by the Redneck spells LOTS of financial issues for us. I never intended for him to take care of me. He’s pretty lousy at it anyway.
He did mention how much he misses my best friend. I counted on her and he counted on that. It isn’t easy, but I’ll have to find another way.
I kept telling him that if I was a single mom (which I am five days a week) that I’d have to figure this out. He needs to let it go and do as he’s told.
He probably won’t listen to me. LOL.
The awesome thing is that I’m finally going to be free of a burden I’ve carried around for three years. I’m EXCITED about this surgery. I want to get it done and fast. In this day and age, it’s so difficult to take care of just basic needs. I’m very blessed that the Redneck works so hard and that I’m starting to see some results from my work as a writer. It will all be okay.
But last night reiterated something that has become a mantra for my daily life.
Boys are weird.



Filed under Life Stuff

17 responses to “Well…..

  1. I so couldn’t miss a week’s worth of pay right now. Mine or WH’s. You’re talking shit being cut off, not having gas to get to work, or something equally catastrophic. So you are not alone there.

    I actually think this is a perfect example of how difficult things are for the modern husband. Back in the day, you’d have been beating neighbors and family off of you while he was gone, and no one would have expected for a moment that he would sacrifice financially to take care of you.

    Today, we expect our husbands to provide financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s worked up- he has two very different conflicting needs of yours to fulfill, and whichever one he picks, he still gets to feel like he’s failing you as a husband. That’s something his father probably never faced.

    I would line up as much support as you can so that the Redneck can feel better about choosing to fill your financial needs. Maybe you could get your caretakers to leave him messages when they leave, so that he knows with certainty that you’re being taken care of, and that you aren’t pretending to be okay when you aren’t. Also, you could make him feel better by sharing your plans to prepare with him- buying stuff at the store that’s super easy for you to cook or for someone to fix for you, or pre-making and freezing meals that can just be reheated. Why doesn’t your Mom just come out and stay with you? That way she can help take care of you and the kids?

    Damn. If I were closer.

  2. Jen

    Actually, there’s no room for my mom right now. Our house is a complete disaster and it’s actually better for my 72 year old mom to stay at her house.

    I’m hoping to set up a lot of people to help me out, but I wish you were closer too, VBC.

  3. damn…i feel bad for guys in these situation’s..cause ..they feel soo helpless…
    and for you..cause..you deserve to be taken care of…every now and then… we all do…
    but…hang in there…
    ive no doubt your friends will rally!!
    not to mention all the well wishes that will be sent to you from your online community…
    i firmly believe that good energy…is good energy…no matter how far away the thoughts are coming from..

  4. Kym

    I’m kinda long distance for day to day help but can I do something like grocery shopping for you?

  5. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this Jen, although it sounds like it’ll be much better for you when you’re all recovered.

    I come into town everyday and would be more than happy to sign up for the help posse. Seriously. xo

  6. Jen

    You guys are AWESOME!!! Thanks Kym and Kristabel. I forget sometimes that some of my online friends are close by.
    I’ll definitely let you know.
    It sounds like my mother in law is going to help out which is great.

  7. I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean. I can’t emphathise, I can only sympathize.

    And I’m a believer in karma–in fat–that things happen at a certain time for a reason. Really, how else can you look at something like this? If you don’t come at a situation like this with a grin and your dukes raised, your chances at success aren’t as good.

    It might feel selfish, but in the end, you have to take care of number one. If you DON’T, you won’t be able to even want to take care of those closest to your heart.

    It’s just the way it is.

    I still think you need to approach Conference with all guns blazing. Nothing less.

  8. Argen fargen shit!



    Is that fact?

    Fat chance.

  9. I am just glad you are getting your “problem” dealt with. I know you will make it work, you always do!

  10. cemeterywinter

    I know that, attendant problems aside, you’re wanting this dealt with and over. I’m sure that you will work everything out, cause you’re a fixer. I have every confidence in you. And the kindness of others will come through for you too. Good luck, Jen!

  11. Sandi

    Oh my, I’m glad you’re finally getting some resolution! My mom had the same surgery done several years back and the way they did it dramatically sped up her recovery. And, she was full of fibroids so it was an especially challenging surgery but she felt so much better afterwards. Remember, I’m just across town and I can be there in a jiffy if you need me :-).

  12. omg Jen, I can so relate to what you’re going through. You are stuck in a classic catch 22 😦 Need the paycheck and need the love and support. GAH! I’ll be sending up good thoughts for your speedy recovery and to your feeling healthy! Reading this post I can just totally relate to being use to dealing with stuff on my own because my hubby works so much (especially when the kids were younger and I was a stay-at-home mom) and how he worked his arse off to bring in the bacon while I held down the fort. I’m just an email away if you need something, or an ear to chat at!!! Peace to you sweet thing!

  13. ((Jen)) I completely understand what you mean. Here in the UK the economy is on a downturn and I recently had some bad news about my own job, so I can relate.

    Now, I need to get inventing one of those teleportation machines…I’d be dropping by daily to see if you were okay then 🙂

    On a more serious note, I know I am thousands of miles away, but if you need anything – please drop me an email at anytime.

  14. Jen

    Thank you all so much! This has been such a wake up call for me. I am SO BAD at asking for help and it’s something I need to do more often.
    You guys rock! And Scarlett, I’m so sorry to hear about your job. Last thing you needed right now, I know.
    I’ll keep you all updated.

  15. Will he be home on the weekend like normal? I wish I could take more time off (conference ate up my leave)…but if he won’t be there that weekend, maybe I could take Friday off and drive down Thursday night?

  16. jodi

    I have the same issue. I deal with it by ignoring it. I have a friend who’s a nurse who gives me little lectures. One week out of the month is simply hell. I might take care of it later, I dunno–about the same time I get my carpal done on both hands, so I’m flat out and can’t wipe.

    uhm…you’ll enjoy the conference. We’ll force you. And pragmatic is good. Love is forever, but forever comes real soon when you starve to death.


  17. Jen

    Exactly,Cup. I hate to hear someone else has my same issues. I’m so excited to get it dealt with!

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