To The Redneck
Okay, look. We had an unspoken agreement that we wouldn’t stress out at the same time. You’re not living up to your end of that bargain! We SO don’t simultaneous stress well. Yeah, I know. I’ll have another cup of coffee. That’ll help. *rolls eyes*
To The Government
Um, WE’RE IN A RECESSION!!!!!!! Wake up!!! We’ve had a run on a bank. We’ve had people in foreclosure. Don’t make me use the “D” word. Come on. Somebody has to do SOMETHING!!!!!!
To The Advocates of the “Flip This House” mentality”
To those of you unfamiliar with this animal, let me clarify. Up here, we have a group (they do run in herds I’m told) that buy up two, three or four houses, slap on a new coat of paint and then try and resell the house for a profit. Our lovely housing prices and subsequent mortgage crisis can be attributed (in part) to this type of investing. I’m not talking about the person who invests a little money and rents out the house. I mean the guy who is wheelin’ and dealin’, shifting funds back and forth in some fucking card game that ends up going under. And then the taxpayer pays his bill. Knock it the fuck off, will you?
To Wall Street
Can you guys mellow out? You’re starting to scare me.
To Speed Racer
Happy Twenty-First Birthday, SR. I wish for you all the luck in the world. And that in about twenty years you’ll have some kid parked in your house, not paying rent, using every dish in your house and then doing the desperate clean up two hours before you get home (which isn’t enough time btw). Oh, and that you have three obnoxious dogs. Okay. Not the dogs. But I hope you get the kid. And he leaves stuck on food on your dishes. And your wife won’t clean it up for you. No, really. Thanks for taking care of the dogs, Homey. You’re the man.
To My New Cellphone Company
After falling for your advertising campaign (“Can you here me now? Good!”) it was extremely frustrating to be in Winnemucca, Nevada and have EIGHT DROPPED CALLS!!!!!! WTF? Your excuse of “It’s an antiquated system in Nevada” doesn’t really make up for the frustration. Plus, all the little extras you’ve signed me up for suck big donkey ass.
You’ve got two weeks to shape up and come through for me. Two weeks! Then, it’s the conference, possible networking opportunities and I won’t have any time for your sorry ass.
To Dayna, Crystal and Lori
I don’t see the whining ending any time soon. Sorry about that.
To You Blog Readers
Thanks for coming by and saying “hi” when I was gone. The few times I logged in were so much better because your good wishes were waiting for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You Rock!!!