….I found out yesterday I’m going to be having surgery to fix my little problem. Of course, all my friends think the Redneck should take a week off and take care of me.
Only, we can’t afford it.
Tell me you know what I mean. The Redneck and I live pretty close to the edge and this conference is going to push us right over. Add to it that we have to pay the heater guy (when and if he EVER finishes) and next month is going to be a real pain in the wallet.
And it’s imperative I do this in the summer so the kids don’t lose any school since they’ll have to go to Grandma’s for a week at least.
Last night, the Redneck FREAKED. OUT. I mean, I often have to listen to long rants about conspiracy theories and government policies, but the economy has got him STRESSED. *heavy sigh*
Basically, I don’t want him to “take care of me”. If he stays home, he’ll be all stressed because he’s not working (and he always sweats his job). If he goes to work, he’ll be stressed because he doesn’t know if I’m okay. At least the second stress comes with a paycheck.
So, for probably the first time in our marriage, I told him he’s going to have to “do as he’s told”. I can take care of myself. I can find friends who will check in on me and make sure I’m okay. The LAST thing I need is some brooding ball of stress sighing if I ask for a glass of water.
Screw that.
I don’t know if I can pull it off, but I’m going to work with my doctor, talk to some friends and get it set up. I’m scheduled for August 12th and frankly, I’m not dealing with it until AFTER conference. No one understands that one week of no work by the Redneck spells LOTS of financial issues for us. I never intended for him to take care of me. He’s pretty lousy at it anyway.
He did mention how much he misses my best friend. I counted on her and he counted on that. It isn’t easy, but I’ll have to find another way.
I kept telling him that if I was a single mom (which I am five days a week) that I’d have to figure this out. He needs to let it go and do as he’s told.
He probably won’t listen to me. LOL.
The awesome thing is that I’m finally going to be free of a burden I’ve carried around for three years. I’m EXCITED about this surgery. I want to get it done and fast. In this day and age, it’s so difficult to take care of just basic needs. I’m very blessed that the Redneck works so hard and that I’m starting to see some results from my work as a writer. It will all be okay.
But last night reiterated something that has become a mantra for my daily life.
Boys are weird.

Thirteen Things I Want To Do At Conference

1. Pitch my book “Legend of Fools”
without puking on Heather Osbourne’s or Miriam Kriss’ shoes.

2. Meet Jessica Faust
Without having to stalk her……too much.

3. Meet and Hug Every Diva There
But only once, Lori. I promise. Well, unless I’ve been drinking.

4. Impress an Avon Editor
Or any editor for that matter. LOL.

5. Hang Out With Crystal Jordan and Loribelle Hunt
A lot.

6. Impress a Berkeley Editor
Or any editor…I said that didn’t I?

7. Walk In My Stilettos
without falling on my ass.

8. Be Charming
without being annoying.

9. Get Enough Sleep
I tend to forget to do that when I’m having fun.

10. Don’t Spend Too Much Money
Stop laughing. It could happen!

11. Pitch “Legends Of Fools” to Miriam Kriss and Heather Osbourne
Without puking. Oh wait. I said that didn’t I?

12. Get LOTS of Pictures
To post here! Probably to music. Because you KNOW I love YouTube. LOL.

13. Don’t Let Nerves Get In The Way
of having a fantastic time.

I’ll be heading to Fort Bragg tomorrow and to Napa on Saturday. My next post will be from the road. See you guys soon.

If you’re going to conference, look away. There’s nothing to see here. Just a very professional confident writer who isn’t talking about the upcoming RWA conference at all.

Are they gone?

Good.

Now, I’ll tell the truth. I am terrified. Scared. Fearful. You get the picture. For three years, I’ve been getting to know people online. Other authors and Divas (from Romance Divas) have “known” me online as amusing, lively, even diiiiiirty.
But they’re going to see the REAL me. The frumpy housewife mixed with the unpleasant smell of desperation.
Okay, it’s not THAT bad, but it VERY intimidating. What if they don’t like me in person? What if I say something really stupid or offensive? What if I get drunk, climb up on a table and start dancing naked? I know. You’re right. They’d take pictures.
And then there’s the professional angle. Everybody tells me not to worry. They tell me my whole career doesn’t hinge on the contacts I make here no matter how I may feel. Yeah right. I am definitely feeling the pressure. Not because I wanna be famous or anything but I don’t want to miss an opportunity and be a loser.
And I do drink. I just can’t drink too much.
So, I’m a little crazy with the pressure but I WILL make it. I want to be the ones who can say “I made it”.
I know I’ll have an awesome time. I’m just a little scared. Okay. I’m a LOT scared. LOL.
*pours a shot* Here’s to making it!!!!! And here’s to having courage through the fear.

To The Divas Who Planned The Not Going To Conference Conference
You just waited until I was going to RWA Conference to get Joey W. Hill on the schedule. Me. One of her huge squeeing fan girls will be in San Francisco trying not to hurl as I pitch to an editor and an agent while you guys are hanging out with one of the best Erotic writers in the business. That ain’t right.
Just Sayin’

To Barrack Obama
Don’t back down. This year’s election will come down to those who think Iraq needs to end now and those who think we have to stay. Otherwise, though you may have other differing policies, I don’t think the American people give a shit. The war and the economy are the biggies. Don’t waver. Don’t blink. And don’t forget the man you’re up against was a POW which means he’s used to torture so the political air doesn’t faze him much. Plus, he gets lots of sleep.
Just Sayin’

To The Heater Guy
So, you started this job in April, I have a dead wall heater laying in my front yard, a hole in my wall by the bathroom door and NO FUCKING HEATER. Right. Then, you go east for a month and we don’t hear from you. While I’m gone, you call the house (even though I’ve given my cell phone number FIVE TIMES) about ten times. When I get back, you’re gone again. Then, while I am having some “Mommy and Daddy time” with the Redneck (use your imagination, folks) you show up WITHOUT CALLING FIRST at 4:30 PM!!!!!! And for what? To take measurements. This didn’t warrant a quick “Hey, I’m coming over. Can you put your psycho dog in the bedroom and make sure you’re clothed?” call? I’m telling you. I was NOT a happy camper.
Just Sayin’

To The Guys In Afghanistan
Anyone notice that the insurgents backed off in Iraq JUST as there was a huge stepping up in Afghanistan? Anyone notice Iran is between the two? I have to say, we need to nip this shit in the bud NOW. There’s no reason why any of you guys over there should be out gunned. Kick some Taliban ass, soldiers.
Just Sayin’

To The Avenue
When I order a Little Black Dress for a VERY important conference, call to make sure your size measurements are correct AND order a size bigger, I expect the fucking dress to fit. Apparently, your idea of a 40D bust is quite different than reality. And smaller. But more importantly now I have to find a dress IN FIVE FUCKING DAYS!!!!!! I’m a little bitter.
Just Sayin’

To The Dirt Faced Okie Kids
Don’t mind Mama this week. She’s crazy.
Just Sayin’

I’m over at The Novelty Girls taking about something I’m VERY good at. Come and relieve my loneliness.

The one year I get to go to the RWA Conference (in San Francisco this year. WOOT WOOT!!) and the awesome Divas get JOEY W. HILL to come to the NGTCC. My only compensation is that I get to be roommates with Loribelle Hunt, hang out with Crystal Jordan and met Eden Bradley for the first time. If you haven’t checked out Divas before, head on over there. This is going to be AWESOME!!!

The Romance Divas annual Not Going to Conference Conference will make you feel a bit less deprived! Amazing workshops, a star-studded guest list and awesome giveaways, all on the Diva forum! Don’t miss it!

Here’s a bit of a schedule update for the Q&As and Workshops…

Wednesday, July 30

Paula Guran, Editor, Juno Books
Q&A on Creating Kick a** Heroines

Laurie Rauch, Editor, Samhain Publishing
Workshop on What Happens After the Contract (aka Editors are People Too!)*

Thursday July 31

Joyce Hart, Hartline Literary
Q&A on Inspirational Romance Stories and the Inspy Market

Sandra Schwab, Historical Romance Author
Workshop on Historical Accuracy and Anachronisms

Friday, August 1

Yolanda Sfetsos, Author of Guarded by Stone
Q&A on Paranormal and Urban Fantasy World Building

Katie MacIver, KatieDidDesign
Workshop on Website Design and Color Selection

Saturday, August 2

Joey W. Hill, Erotica Author
Workshop on Plotting Erotica and Erotic Romance

Rhonda Stapleton, Editor and Author
Workshop on Style and Voice

How about if I list some door prizes?

• What Gwen said” mug donated by Gwen Hayes
• 3-chapter critique of a YA by Simon Pulse author Rhonda Stapleton
• 3-chapter critique of a YA, chick lit, or rom com by Golden Heart Finalist Amanda Brice
• An ebook of your choice from Nell Dixon’s backlist
• An ebook of either Second Sight (paranormal romance) or Dragons’ Choice (fantasy romance - dragon-shifters) from Debbie Mumford
• Ten dollar Amazon gift certificate from Jodi Henley
• Lush stuff from Seeley deBorn
• e-book copy of Chasing Shadows from Erin Richards
• Paperback copy of Iron Horse Rider OR Smiling Eyes from Adelle Laudan
• Book thongs from Angeleque Ford
• 3 chapter critique from Sela Carsen
• winner’s choice of ebook copy of “Not Quite Dead” or “Heart of the Sea” by Sela Carson
• e-book copy of HEATWAVE by Eden Bradley
• e-book copy of BREAKING SKYE by Eden Bradley
• a box of goodies, trade and paperbacks, bath products candles, etc… All for a fun and relaxing home spa day treat. courtesy of The Midnight Moon Cafe
• 1 download each of Natasha Moore’s Samhain books, The Ride of Her LIfe and The Passion-Minded Professor
• a copy of “Painted Soul” by Mary Quast
• e-book copy of HER CINDERELLA COMPLEX by Jenna Bayley-Burke - Samhain
• e-book copy of PAR FOR THE COURSE by Jenna Bayley-Burke - Samhain
• e-book copy of FOUND by Jenna Bayley-Burke - Wild Rose Press
• e-book copy of NIGHT OF INSPIRATION by Jenna Allen - Phaze
• e-book copy of ON AGAIN by Jenna Allen - Phaze
• $10 gc to Amazon from Kendal Corbitt
• ebook Vampire Oracle: Harmony by MG Braden

Plus a lovely bar of wonderful Chagrin Valley hand made soap, Caramel Pralines jar candle, handmade jewelry, Tarot readings, a Lush box for European Divas/Dudes, a $10 fictionwise gc and much more!

Thirteen Videos That Get To Me

1.
2.

3.

4.

5. This One

6.

7.

8.

9. And This One

10.

11.

12.

13.

And some Bonus Videos.

Maggie McCleary’s departure from her life as a cat burglar had been a choice. Her return was not. She can’t deny the erotic thrill of the work. Now, with her father Sam held captive, she must pull one last job and that old excitement is getting the better of her.

Flush with success, she stands before the open safe but a strong voice and steel grip from her past brings her back to reality, and she gives in to the surge of desire. Trevor is the one who got away, or rather the one who deserted her, leaving their life of crime behind. But if the old thrill is back, so is the old flame, along with an attraction that never died.

He is the lead detective charged with trapping the famed cat burglar, Sam McClearey, but he wasn’t expecting to find Maggie again. Determined to protect her at any cost, Trevor takes her into his own form of protective custody, agreeing to help her find her father’s kidnappers. As they work together to smoke out those shadowy figures trying to frame her, desire flares between them, setting Maggie’s world reeling. Trevor left her broken hearted, and now it seems he loves someone else. But neither can deny the passion consuming them, and Maggie knows she must find the kidnappers to get her own life back. With single-minded resolve, Trevor vows to protect her even if he has to keep her under lock and key, or follow her through every escape attempt to keep her safe.

Available now!

Elaina has written a steamy romance here with all the elements needed for a great summer read. Check out the excerpt!!!!
*raises shot glass* Congrats on your first release, Elaina!!!!!!

To The Redneck
Okay, look. We had an unspoken agreement that we wouldn’t stress out at the same time. You’re not living up to your end of that bargain! We SO don’t simultaneous stress well. Yeah, I know. I’ll have another cup of coffee. That’ll help. *rolls eyes*
Just Sayin’

To The Government
Um, WE’RE IN A RECESSION!!!!!!! Wake up!!! We’ve had a run on a bank. We’ve had people in foreclosure. Don’t make me use the “D” word. Come on. Somebody has to do SOMETHING!!!!!!
Just sayin’

To The Advocates of the “Flip This House” mentality”
To those of you unfamiliar with this animal, let me clarify. Up here, we have a group (they do run in herds I’m told) that buy up two, three or four houses, slap on a new coat of paint and then try and resell the house for a profit. Our lovely housing prices and subsequent mortgage crisis can be attributed (in part) to this type of investing. I’m not talking about the person who invests a little money and rents out the house. I mean the guy who is wheelin’ and dealin’, shifting funds back and forth in some fucking card game that ends up going under. And then the taxpayer pays his bill. Knock it the fuck off, will you?
Just Sayin’

To Wall Street
Can you guys mellow out? You’re starting to scare me.
Just sayin’

To Speed Racer
Happy Twenty-First Birthday, SR. I wish for you all the luck in the world. And that in about twenty years you’ll have some kid parked in your house, not paying rent, using every dish in your house and then doing the desperate clean up two hours before you get home (which isn’t enough time btw). Oh, and that you have three obnoxious dogs. Okay. Not the dogs. But I hope you get the kid. And he leaves stuck on food on your dishes. And your wife won’t clean it up for you. No, really. Thanks for taking care of the dogs, Homey. You’re the man.
Just Sayin’

To My New Cellphone Company
After falling for your advertising campaign (”Can you here me now? Good!”) it was extremely frustrating to be in Winnemucca, Nevada and have EIGHT DROPPED CALLS!!!!!! WTF? Your excuse of “It’s an antiquated system in Nevada” doesn’t really make up for the frustration. Plus, all the little extras you’ve signed me up for suck big donkey ass.
Just Sayin’

To Donny
You’ve got two weeks to shape up and come through for me. Two weeks! Then, it’s the conference, possible networking opportunities and I won’t have any time for your sorry ass.
Just Sayin’

To Dayna, Crystal and Lori
I don’t see the whining ending any time soon. Sorry about that.
Just Sayin’

To You Blog Readers
Thanks for coming by and saying “hi” when I was gone. The few times I logged in were so much better because your good wishes were waiting for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You Rock!!!
Just Sayin’

I’m over at The Novelty Girls talking about books. I put the videos up for your entertainment.

Enjoy.