May 7, 2008...6:56 am
Regatta Whiskey Wednesday
Maybe it’s because I’m not a man. Maybe it’s because I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout. All I know is that I don’t get it.
Welcome to my Whiskey Wednesday rant about Rain Gutter Regatta.
Picture if you will, fifteen boys all smiling, restless, waiting to race their beautiful pine wood, water based painted, water based glued ships of doom. Business is conducted and the boys are insane with impatience.
Finally, the races begin.
Straws are distributed (to blow air into the paper sails) and Dens are called to compete.
But all is not well.
The first boy who loses begins a wailing that rivals the fire station down the street. Tears fall and don’t stop for twenty minutes when he hides under the piano. Both of mine had three melt downs in which the words “I suck” are sobbed and big crocodile tears pour down their little faces. I’m heartbroken for them.
Why the hell are we doing this?
The Redneck’s response is to teach our kids to lose graciously. But damn it, don’t they learn enough of that everywhere else? I’m sorry. I don’t see the point. It’s one thing when they’re playing soccer or baseball and the kids learn teamwork.
But the idea that forty year old men will sand and paint some boat (bitching the WHOLE time) to have their kid blow into a sail (with WAY too much spit) and call that a learning lesson?
Bullshit.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE the Cub Scouts. For example, we’re going to help a local program that feeds and clothes homeless kids in our community. The kids will earn a badge for Community Impact and some much needed supplies will be given to some needy kids right here. Awesome.
Maybe next time, instead of spending all that money and time on some stupid ass boats, we could buy a few more pairs of socks for kids who don’t have dads to do ANY project with them.
Rant over.
Here’s a song that’s been in my head and won’t go away. Probably because I keep thinking of those kids living on the streets right here in my home town.
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