A Bitchy Just Sayin’

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To My Body
Heh Heh Heh, funny joke. Now that we’ve cleared up the whole “Forty and Pregnant” question, what’s with the hives? Oh, and you couldn’t give me anything interesting or uncommon. Just your garden variety hives with all of its fun symptoms. Nothing like picking something that has no cause and has no cure. And the whole itching thing is SO sexy, let me tell you. Do you want me to start *gasp* EXERCISING? I will, if you don’t knock it off.
Just Sayin’

To Barrack Obama
I spent a little time listening to your speeches and your statements on “Meet The Press”. The fire is gone, bud. Whatever you did to screw it up, I suggest you fix it. Less and less of Martin Luther King and more Mr. Political is not the answer. Funny how, when people start really paying attention to you, the magic isn’t so magical. Get it back. There are too many people who have begun to hope because of your message. Don’t start letting them down. At least wait until you’re elected.
Just Sayin’

To The Democratic Party
Only a year ago, there was talk that this was an “unloseable” election for the Democrats. Bush’s popularity numbers were in the toilet, the War appeared to be unpopular, the Republicans were turning on each other like rabid dogs (no wonder Karl Rove abandoned them for Fox news) and McCain and Romney were nipping at each other like Terriers. Now, I’m wondering if you’ve missed your chance. In seven months, the American people will go to the polls and it looks like this Democratic run off will go to the bitter end. Very bitter. Honestly, it isn’t looking good for you guys. That whole “unloseable” election thing is a myth. Like an unsinkable ship.
Just Sayin’

To The Cowboy
I’m still not speaking to you. Michelle leaves on Friday and frankly, I may try and send a dozen dead, smelly roses to you. Or put a horse head in your bed. Sleep with the fishes, jerkwad.
Just Sayin

Intermission: I’m a bit grumpy today. Does it show?

To Donny
If my mother is going to disown me, it’s going to be because of you. No other character has been as annoying, as dirty and as persistent as you have been. You still have to wait. I’m not writing your book until I finish the one I’m on. Stop pushing or it’s going to get ugly. Like strap-on, no lube ugly.
Just Sayin’

To The Dirt-Faced-Okie Boys
Stop the whining, boys. No, you can’t play in the attic. No, you can’t run naked outside. No, you can’t ride your bike at six in the morning. No, you can’t hang your toys from the exposed wires. No, you can’t play with the gas line where they’re going to put the heater. Yes, I’m mean. Yes, I know you think I’m not fair. As long as we’re clear.
Just Sayin

To Cub Scouts
Bad enough you made us try and “make” a wooden race car with absolutely NO instructions or guidance. Then, you create a “Regatta” which involves wooden BOATS and absolutely no instructions. Water proof paint, water based glue and paper sails don’t make for seaworthy vessels. And the worst part is that I have to show up and face all the other parents who have figured this shit out. The race car thing was a fiasco. There were Dads that had the whole “aerodynamic” package going on. It was like a NASCAR pit road as intense men and bored boys were peering at little parts and shavings. Frankly, it was a yawn fest for me. And now, we get to do the boats. Look, the Redneck can’t take this kind of pressure. He spent all weekend bitching about these damn boats and I had to listen to it. Can’t you guys do something less time intensive and competitive? Like Golf or something?
Just Sayin’

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Tags: Barrack Obama, Cub Scout Bullshit, Donny Pasquel, Gross Girl Stuff, The Cowboy, The Democratic Party, The Dirt Faced Okie Boys, The Redneck